Confidentiality. ", "[A doctor told me] you need to quit having so much sex.". I talked to Jaclyn Friedman, author of the brand-new What You Really Really Want: The Smart Girl's Shame-Free Guide to Sex and Safety, who explains, "It's totally appropriate for a doctor to want to know the equipment of people you're sleeping with, and if you're sexually active. You deserve good medical care. You don't need to be able to cite chapter and verse of the literature — just keep coming back to "I'd like to focus on my health, not my weight." If you're queer, your doctor needs to be someone you feel like you can be out to. Research Reveals Older Adults Think Doctors Are Judgmental About Cannabis Use. Judgmental doctors/dentists. Maybe you've experienced this, too — a moment when a doctor acts like their medical training gives them the right to judge your non-medical life. Doctors have decades of medical training and I only have Web MD — surely they know more than I do, right? ExeneC. The problem is that suspending judgment is an art in itself, and while it is at the core of the medical role, it is not natural or easy. Rant/Vent. Anna - May 30, 2019. When they make mistakes, the consequences can be devastating. But when people say, “You are so judgmental,” they are often exhibiting this defect themselves. 'You know that's a lot for a 14-year-old, right?' Without examining me, she told me that my sudden bout of vaginal dryness (so intense that it made intercourse nigh impossible) was due to the fact that I was "getting old." You can also go online — Friedman recommends Scarleteen's Find-a-Doc service, which collects reviews of doctors in a variety of specialties. Given the current sorry state of the healthcare system, we don't always have much choice in who treats us. Friedman says that when you're looking for a new doctor, the best thing to do is get a referral from someone you know and trust. Awareness of doctor-judging is on the rise — doctors who fat-shame are beginning to be recognized as a health threat, and a recent study found that when doctors make patients feel ashamed of themselves, it leads to worse medical outcomes. ", "I was going to the physical therapist after a car accident when I was about 20 and I was about 10-15 lbs overweight at the time. WhatsApp. Doctors bring customers in, and treat them as money-making patrons. I had no idea what to say — and in the moment, I believed her. A Doctor’s “Mistake” or “Error in Judgment” Can Still Be Malpractice. Being judgmental distorts our perception of other people, of ourselves and of what matters most. He treated me like a second-class patient and he just gave me a prescription and got me out of his office as fast as possible. And let them know they did a good job — caring for people is tough, and those who do it right deserve a pat on the back. '", "I've come to expect doctor shaming, especially at the OBGYN, especially when I'm asked about my sexual partners or whether I'm monogamous. Being a judgemental person essentially means thinking, speaking, or behaving in a manner that reflects a critical and condemnatory point of view. The morbidly obese smoker with a heart attack should be treated with the same earnestness as the thin one. She showed complete disregard for her patient, in my opinion, by even asking that question in front of my mom, especially when I was too young to say I didn't want my mother in the room with me. There was no foreplay to that comment and I felt weird about it — and I still do, three years later.". Oh, and my dry vagina? ", "I met a gyno for the first time when he was inserting my Mirena. And when I told her that sometimes it hurt when I had sex, she said, 'You probably have chlamydia. He doesn't work there anymore, thank God. A doctor’s visit is not a morality test. A new study, published in the Drugs & Aging journal, has found how older Americans make use of cannabis and what they experience. 14 Fun Indoor Activities for Your Kid’s Next Birthday Party. Providers, like your doctor, nurse, nurse practitioner, physician's assistant, medical assistant, even the billing clerk or receptionist in your doctor's office or the hospital, are professionals, but they are people, too. So if you go to someone who's really great, pay it forward by writing a glowing online review or recommending them to a friend. They are very selfish and often think they are better than others. 0. And when doctors are judgmental, be it about our sexual history, our relationship status, our orientation, or our weight, it can be hard to know how to respond. Also, you get to do it with your clothes on. He said that that must be what was keeping me up (it wasn't) and 'prescribed' that I get a full-time job. CLEARLY I hadn't, and the doctor was just like, 'Oh, well,' as I sat there crying. Medical and social ethics have advanced to an extent that doctors are likely to be faced with controversial issues on a regular basis. Posted by bee91 (as the patient), last month. One doctor in residency wrote in The New York Times: “There is a strange machismo that pervades medicine. As Friedman says, it's not always easy to speak up when someone is making you feel uncomfortable — especially if you're wearing a paper gown at the time. But if we know that we're not alone — and as the 14 stories below prove, we most definitely are not — maybe we can learn. Think a kidney infection or UTI... but with a sudden onset. Chen says that if your doctor is being judgmental about your sexual history, relationship status, or sexual orientation. Never have I been treated crazier and like a junkie in my life. A dermatologist prescribed me the same kind of medication that you use for genital warts, unbeknownst to me. "There's a spectrum of being 'out' as an abortion provider. ", "'Oh you don't want to have kids? Now, I understand everyone has different backgrounds and perceptions around sexual activity, but I wanted to punch her in the face. When she asked me if I was sexually active at the moment, I said no — I mean, it had been a VERY long winter, and I hate my dating options in NYC, but does that even matter? Facebook. I was 31. I was shocked she asked in front of my mom, and reluctantly answered that I had been before. Keeping the focus there basically forces them to either drop it or say "I care about your weight more than any of those other things," which of course tells you what kind of doctor they are. If you find yourself avoiding going to the doctor because of how they treated you, try to find a new doctor. But "if you're capable of doing it in the moment," she says, "just making a simple, direct correction is probably the best strategy." Telling you that you had too many partners in the last month isn't. "Doctors provide a service, and you are hiring them to see to your needs. My gynecologist scoffed at me and tried to make me feel dumb for using both, instead of patting me on the back for being hella responsible. I changed doctors and asked my new doctor to refill my Xanax prescription. Some of these questions may be sensitive, but that doesn't mean they're invasive. I LOL'd- they were from my cat. Medical doctors may have primary care duties or specialize in one area. She adds, "don't feel like you have to be a hero in that moment." Expressing disgust. ", "I had sex at a young age and went to a gynecologist for the first time at 14. Arrogant may resist the discussion, ignore you, or get angry. When it comes to asking smart questions, or sharing information you've learned about your condition, know that Dr. For all Social Minefield columns, go here. It's also reasonable for them to ask if you feel safe in your current relationship, if you have one. in a very judgmental tone. Laura Clawson. This is belittling and unprofessional behavior and her employer needs to know about it. At that point, the number was nine (it's 10 now). (I've heard multiple stories about doctors who stick a speculum into a woman's vagina and then start haranguing her about her weight. Judgemental doctors. This course of action gives the doctor time to respond when he or she isn't under pressure, and could be more effective than an in-office confrontation. I have seen so many different doctors, consultants and alternative therapists I have lost count. Thing is that they are usually good at … When I told him before my first (and only!) Posted By bee91 " A very judgemental doctor" About: Joondalup Health Campus / Emergency Department Joondalup Health Campus Emergency Department Joondalup 6027. These patients have been negatively looked upon because of their skin color, weight, gender and countless other reasons resulting in an understandable defensiveness towards any medical professional. Physicians see patients of all different colors, shapes, and sizes and many of these patients enter into clinics with emotional wounds inflicted from previous physicians’ lack of judgmental tact. She looked at me judgmentally and said, 'That's a lot for your age.' She suggested that I could fix it by no longer taking the pill and "messing with my hormones." Twitter. She said something super judgmental with every question. I was stunned... and because I was so stunned, I could only answer by apologizing. it doesn't matter that [my flaw here]. I'd had only two drinks before ending up there. I also talked to Stef Maruch of FatFriendlyDocs.com, who says, "it's reasonable for a doctor to tell you that weight might contribute to a problem you have, and to ask if you want to discuss weight loss as a treatment, assuming you haven't already told them you don't want to." My doctor (a woman) asked me all the normal questions, and then asked about more sensitive topics like family medical history and sexual history. You can give examples: having good blood pressure and lipids, nourishing yourself well, having good cardiovascular health, increasing strength, increasing flexibility, sleeping well, reducing stress, managing chronic conditions, whatever is of particular interest to you in terms of maintaining your health. Friends and family often ask me to recommend a doctor. ... not judgemental. Anybody who's been to a doctor recently knows this well, but it's worth reiterating: asking certain questions is part of a doctor's job. Another time, I went to get a flu shot at a local pharmacy. The doctor's office is a place where we're often at our most vulnerable. If they say no, she goes elsewhere if possible. The notion of confidentiality is enshrined in the Hippocratic Oath but it is not inviolable. They'll know you and your concerns and may be able to recommend a doctor will be sensitive to them. Take a Gas-X. "About four years ago, I went to see a new general practitioner, who had some family history with my boyfriend at the time. I went home wondering WTF his problem was. Mara Nesbitt, also of FatFriendlyDocs, speaks to doctors on the phone beforehand, asking them questions like "Do you think a person can be both fat and healthy?" Explaining how to protect yourself against STDs or unintended pregnancy is a positive thing. In a new survey, 23% of people admitted they have lied to their doctors. The Judgment Doctor is the only thing standing between you and a nasty fate thanks to the game's newly-introduced Mortal Wounds feature. ", "My usual GP was out of town and I had moderate/severe abdominal pain. In principle, then, the armed robber and the man he injured, in neighboring beds in the ER, are provided the same degree of care. 1 decade ago. 292. While Colorado law affords doctors a certain amount of professional judgment, there is a line where harmful decisions cross into the realm of medical malpractice. While the visit was about stomach pains, she also asked me a handful of gynecological questions, including the number of partners I had had. Damn girl, be careful.' If you feel belittled, if you feel uncomfortable, if you feel ashamed, your doctor is DOING IT WRONG. A very judgemental doctor. As with anyone else you would hire, you have a right to interview them first to see if there is a fit," she says. Need help with a sticky social situation? But after mulling it over, I realized I had been doctor-judged. This doctor will think that everything he tells you is the best answer. Some doctors are open about what they do, some aren't. When we are judgmental we are critically nitpicking and finding fault with another person, group of people, idea, or situation. If you've had bad experiences with doctors in the past, or have reason to believe that you might in the future, there are steps you can take when seeing a new clinician that may help. Med students are generally very whiny and judgmental and think things should just be handed to them.In my experience most med students think the world revolves around them. If the doctor is condescending or makes you feel foolish, it’s not a healthy partnership. Email us! "When I was in my early teens, I went in to the doctor, either for a check up or because I was coming down with a cold, I can't remember. All women are whores. Most of us are taught to take a doctor's word as gospel, and thus, very few of us ever learn to fight back when a doctor judges us. It was f*cked up and I didn't see her again. Granted, doctors face a kind of stress other professionals are not likely to face. ” The lawyers for the doctor or hospital (and their experts) rarely say it outright — because they are worried that jurors and judges will see right through it as a claim that doctors … for example, I feel like it doesn't matter what i wear. But not anymore people are aware of the success stories because the survivors themselves have begun to share their stories unlike in the past when it was considered personal. If they start harping on how weight will increase your risk for this and that, you can tell them that studies show that focusing on health rather than weight improves health outcomes more consistently and for longer. If they don't have sufficient experience with people of your size to treat or diagnose your conditions, they should refer you to someone who does. I knew she was right, but it felt totally unprofessional, especially considering I barely knew her. I was 25 at the time and that remark made me want to punch my doctor. A few years ago, I decided to see a doctor about a gynecological problem I was having. The doctor never apologized, and offered me no guidance either on how to stay safe sexually or how to speak to my mother afterward. Needless to say, I never returned for further exams. Consider "sending a thoughtful email or letter after the fact and inviting conversation or making recommendations for people who might do training if you know those resources." I think you should switch doctors immediately. The physician's assistant who saw me first insinuated — based on my honest response to the 'how much/often do you drink' question, which was 10 drinks a week — that I'd gone on a bender and was hung over. and "Are you comfortable touching a fat person?" But the physical therapist WOULD NOT shut up about it, tried to sell me supplements for it every time and basically ignored the actual back injury I had from the car accident, preferring to instead lecture me about how the 10 pound weight loss would magically fix everything in my life. Her superior somehow made an even worse and more dismissive assessment — after doing the 'press on your stomach' thing, she literally told me 'I think you're just bloated, honey. Although I don't remember her exact wording, it was something to the effect that I was 'perpetuating the infantilization of women in porn' by waxing that part of my body. But the doctor asked me — in front of my mother — if I was sexually active. Turns out it was a yeast infection. Being unwilling to physically examine you. If you lose confidence in your doctor's ability to diagnose and treat your health conditions, try to find a new doctor. Maruch recommends Kink Aware Professionals and Poly-Friendly Professionals as places to start if you're looking for doctors who are familiar with kink and polyamory. The doctor's office is a place where we're often at our most vulnerable. Zimmerman offers an example: I think probably the best approach is to say to a doctor "I'd like to focus on health rather than weight." I would write a letter of complaint to the head of the office or facility. Bringing up your weight in the middle of an uncomfortable procedure. She looked at me like I had three heads and said, 'But you've had sex before, right?' I'll own that. I told her we had just moved in together (granted, after only a few months) and she said, 'You're living together?! ", "I'm a musician, and I work a flexible part-time job that gives me time to tour and play shows. So weight is never the whole story and a doctor shouldn't say that it is. If they don't, though, they may not be the right fit for you — and a doctor you can't talk to won't help you stay healthy. "Medical cursing" — e.g., "If you don't lose weight, you'll be dead by the time you're 40." If you have sex with several partners, you could be at risk for certain diseases, and it might help explain some medical problems. Doctors question if medications are affecting Trump's judgment after his dangerous photo op. Euthanasia, information sharing and the use of human tissues are typical examples. When I first went to my doctor to get medication after my psychologist recommended it, she asked me if I wanted a stimulant or any anti-depressant. Most of us still would dread to visit the doctor. they don't judge. Many doctors are open to dialogue and may respond well to the kind of "simple, direct correction" Friedman talks about. In short, the very best physicians care about each patient as a human being, and do not judge the human being who is the patient. Blaming your problem solely on your weight. Refusing to treat or diagnose you until you lose weight. Most of … doctors make patients feel ashamed of themselves, a psychiatrist derided his patient for being "dowdy. I quickly changed gynos and now I have a more supportive and open doctor.". examination with him that, at 38, I'd never been pregnant or had an abortion, he said, 'That's hard to believe. Lv 7. Below, some tips on handling this difficult situation. I have been told that "You don't look sick", that "It's just the humidity", "Stop being silly" and "We don't know what is wrong with you so go home I doubt it. That guy was such an asshole. 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